When I was younger, Burger King ads featured delicious-looking flame-broiled hamburgers and a song about how they'd make my burger however I wanted. The song was so catchy that I can still sing it all the way through without even thinking, so it's not like it wasn't working.
Then, they got a new ad agency. Who decided that the best way to get people to buy burgers was by showing me an incredibly creepy plastic-headed king with dead eyes and an "I like to wear skins" grin. I don't know...maybe lots of people thought it was all edgy or something, but I haven't set foot inside a Burger King since I started associating it with waking up to find a plastic-headed serial killer in my bedroom, as depicted on one of the commercials. Burger King even calls this thing "The Creepy King" so it's not like they don't know. At any rate, I'm not eating anything that The Creepy King hands me, that's for darn sure!
Recently though, Burger King had a marketing epiphany. They decided to ditch The Creepy King and instead try to get me to buy burgers by ... wait for it ... showing me Steve Tyler of Aerosmith TOUCHING MY FOOD. Now, think what you will about Aerosmith's music. The fact remains that Steve Tyler makes a point of being a very very dirty boy. He's not clean. He's not nice. He's not safe. So, why in the FDA would I want to eat anything that he's been even marginally involved with? WHY?
Then, there is the "Mr. Beckham Goes to Burger King" commercial. David Beckham is drop-dead gorgeous and I'm always happy to see him show up on my TV, but the commercial is about the entire staff of BK failing to serve him food.
Burger King: You sell the ability to walk up to a counter and get a reasonably edible burger for a relatively small amount of money in a short amount of time. At least, you used to. I never go to Burger King anymore, because I really can't figure out what it is you do now. Well done.
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